Who is the Sexy Little Muse and What Does She Want

Been holdingon to this post for a while, but might as wellpost it;
I'm a 34 year old single mom. I'm a petite 5'3" and 3/4. 106 pounds. Complex, moody, not always rational. I have long silky red hair below my shoulders. My hobbies include being spanked, dark chocolate, and pondering the nature of the universe. I am a 4 on the enneagram.
I' ve been a seeker my whole life. Always looking for the missing piece. I'm one of those women who just adore sex. I can 10 or 15 orgasms if I want. I usually like at least 3 or 4. I was thinking exactly what is it I desire from a relationship with a man? Early on I was a romantic. My first thought of wanting a boyfriend was when I was at 13, I still have my diary from then. I would like to be held while I cry. I was reading another blog and the woman wrote about how she was crying about something unresolved in her past and that her husband just held her. I have had men in my past get angry with me for crying and have had men that wanted to explain why my emotions weren't valid. Sometimes I just want to be held. Did I mention I was a cry baby? Its something I can't help. I never learned or something. I'm an all or nothing kind of girl...hot or cold but never luke warm. I don't do things half way. I need a strong man, but he has to be tender too, and understanding. I like presents. I'm emotional. I love to cook. I get depressed or I should say that I've battled depression my whole life. Right now I'm trying to stay off of anti depressants. I take St. JohnsWort, L-theanine, and Kava Kava on certain days. I think I have anger management issues. I'm thinking I should post some of this on my other blog. I feel sexier now in my 30's than I ever did in my teens and twenties. I want to feel cherished, special and adored. I wouldn't mind being spanked til I cried.